August 2009

When I was a girl, there was a boy. A glorious boy. The air around him sparkled with little particles of bliss. He was not my friend, I did not know him, I was not even aware of him until he was presented to me on my birthday.

I was in high school and it was my birthday. I was sitting in a class where I knew very few people. Somehow someone knew it was my birthday and they all chipped in and bought me a ticket to see the school musical during 5th and 6th period. Oh, if only they knew what a wonderful gift they gave me.

I went to the play and sat there surrounded by other students, but really I was alone. The lights went down, the show began, and then all of a sudden there he was, a boy like no boy I had ever seen. He was magic and joy! In my mind’s eye everyone else performed in the dark, but he had a spotlight on him the entire show.

Still, I did not know this boy and I was so shy there was no chance. And yet, I hoped. Then I found out he was switching schools. But still I hoped.

The next year I would hear his name mentioned and I would hope, but there was no chance. Then one night I got a call and it was him! “OH MY GAWD!!!”, the valley girl in me exclaimed and we talked for hours and he was even more magical than I had imagined.

We spent time together as friends and he would talk to me about girls and then I knew there was no chance.

I’ve never been a glutton for punishment, but try as I might I could not keep myself from him. I ached for him. I longed for him.

Then things got awkward. I found I could no longer speak around him. We would sit in awkward silences, but still we would make plans. One night he said, “Things are awkward between us because I like you.” Then I knew there was a chance!

Little particles of bliss surrounded me. The world seemed brighter. He made me feel like magic. I saw myself through his eyes and I knew that what he saw in me was real. I was that smart, that funny, that interesting. He was not making it up. Just like I was not making him up.

Then one day he moved far, far away and my heart hurt, my heart ached like it had never ached. I was not dumb, I knew we were young and that we were not meant to be forever. But he did change me forever.

Because of him I’ve never doubted my charms, my allure, my enchantments. This beautiful boy came into my life at a very young age and showed me that I was something special.

Years later when we were once again only friends, we sat in a diner with his best friend and he told the story of us like this:

“I saw her in a play once and I’ve been in love with her ever since.”

I never knew that the first time he “saw” me was onstage, just like the first time I “saw” him.

Because of him I’ve never had a hard time finding love because I have always felt worthy of it and I have always believed in magic.

{ 3 comments }