November 2009

It’s Monday and what does that mean? It means I get to regale you with comments, comments galore. Witness my journey through the blogosphere the last few days as documented by the comments I’ve left. If I find myself questioning my essence, I remind myself that I comment therefore I am. It’s as simple as that! You can do it too! (Don’t forget to stop by tomorrow! I’m looking forward to telling you about a project I’ve been working on.)

And away we go:

Melissa from Mommy is in the Bathroom heated up an apple pie only to be disgusted by the flavor of it because it was too reminiscent of her Glade Plug-Ins scent, which prompted me to share:

My husband always wants to get orange scented air freshener for the bathroom and I refuse because it will ruin oranges for the rest of my life. I do not need to associate the toilet with oranges or vice versa. (Really, I don’t understand why I would want to fragrance the bathroom with anything that smells like food that I might want to eat some day. It always just ends up smelling like poo and vanilla or poo and orange. Yuck!)

Nancy mentioned that she has always wanted to break a beer bottle on a bar like a bad-ass. My comment:

I would pay to see you break the beer bottle. You know what would happen though. You’d go to break it and it wouldn’t break the first time, then you’d get all flustered and try again, but it still wouldn’t break, then you’d look up and say, “Never mind” and give the bartender a ridiculously large tip and try to leave, but you’d have to go pee first and you and your bad ass would slink into the restroom and try to disappear.

Monkey Man was given an award that although aesthetically not to his liking he was still pleased to receive. My reaction to his acceptance:

“While the award has an insipidly ridiculous illustration that drips with cuteness…”(his words)is just such a gracious way to accept any award. I hope one day when I am watching the Oscars someone starts their acceptance speech with something similar. Perhaps, “While the award depicts an insipid anatomically incorrect square-jawed gold drenched man that I loathe to display in my home…”

Green-Eyed Momster wished everyone a happy Thanksgiving free of a$$hole relatives. I replied:

The only A-hole I have to spend Thanksgiving with is me. I hope I don’t piss myself off. I can be such a bitch.

Have you ever had a soul-sucker in your life, a crazy-maker? You know one of those people that just suck the living force out of you? Well Aunt of 14 has and she has decided that enough is enough and she no longer wants this person in her life, but she just can’t stop wondering what is going through the soul-suckers  mind. Here’s what I think:

It doesn’t matter what she’s thinking. All that matters is that you no longer want her in your life. She is toxic to you and just like you gave up drugs, you have to give up this bad habit too. She’s still in your system that’s why you keep thinking about her. Letting her go does not mean you are now enemies; it just means you are done. It’s over. Let her go.

Josiah’s Mommy from Confessions of a First Time Mom has been experiencing difficulty with panic attacks. Instead of suffering through it she did the right thing and got some much needed help. Help is out there people! If you need it please seek it. Having a my own issues with panic attacks and post traumatic stress disorder I wrote:

You’ve really been in my thoughts lately. I’m glad to hear from you and I am so unbelievably proud of you for getting the help you need.


During my most difficult times I felt ashamed for needing so much help until my doctor who was teaching a student introduced me and said, “She has been very proactive about getting the help she needs.” She said it with a smile on her face and all of a sudden I understood that there is nothing wrong in being an advocate for your mental health.


Be well, my friend. 

So there you have the bits and pieces of myself that I left splattered throughout the blogosphere. I would like to end with a comment that I did not leave, nor was it left on my blog. The author led me to it, but has chosen not to take credit. I find the wisdom in this comment to be very useful.

 I have a tip for (name withheld) . . . From what I’ve been told . . . Pussy isn’t supposed to smell like fish. If it does, there’s a tad more going on down there than needs to be. Therefore, you perform the ‘Scratch & Sniff’ test. You start off foreplay by fingering the vagina, getting her nice and wet and the juices flowing. At some point you work your way down there so you have your face as close to it as possible. In a moment when she’s not looking you perform the ‘Scratch & Sniff’. Very stealthily you bring your fingers to your nose and take a whiff. If it smells fishy, you do the gentlemanly thing and finish her off with your fingers. If it smells ok, then you can go to town, so to speak. This can all be summed up with one rule of thumb (no pun intended, LOL!): If it smells like chicken, keep on lickin’. If it smells like trout, get the fuck out! Anywho, sorry for the long ass comment, but I felt I needed to impart this bit of wisdom I learned from my favorite lesbian friend.

Wanna play along? Go forth, spread the comment love, and turn it into a post. Then link up! Recycle, reuse, and reduce my friends; it’s the wave of the future.
Oh and feel free to comment on my comments.

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