Excuses

by UnknownMami on December 15, 2009

The last time my husband and I went out to dinner alone was on October 5th because it was our anniversary. We didn’t go anywhere fancy just to our favorite local Mexican restaurant. The evening was a great success. We had some Margarita induced fun and I enjoyed talking to my husband about something other than our daughter.

My husband and I have always loved to eat out. It’s one of our favorite things to do, but we just stopped doing it. I know we’re not alone because according to a poll conducted by the Juicebox widget on my sidebar 71% of moms answered that they do not go out to dinner often enough with just their partners. I’m jealous of the 29%!

I want to be a part of the 29% that get to go out and enjoy dinner and each other sans children, at least once in awhile. So why aren’t I? It’s not that I don’t want to go out to dinner with my husband; it’s just that I can’t. Yeah right!

My primary excuses are money and childcare.

Money is an issue, but where there’s a will there’s a way. Restaurant.com (who is sponsoring this post) offers all kinds of deals to make dining out more affordable and I can always find something within our budget. We don’t have to go for broke to have a good time.

As for childcare, I have a hard time leaving Put Pie with anyone and she has a hard time falling asleep without me. But I could go to dinner earlier, before her bedtime, and have my BIL, whom she loves, take care of her.

In the end all my excuses are just excuses. The only one keeping me from enjoying a nice dinner out with my husband is me.

I don’t want to forget what it’s like to be a couple. One day my daughter will be all grow up and once again it will just be my husband and me. I really need to take the time to nourish our relationship now because in 30 years I want to sit across the table from my husband in one of our favorite restaurants and have a million things to talk about because we never stopped talking.

If you leave a comment and I do not return the visit it’s because you did not include your blog address in the comment form. I want to visit you, but I have Mami-brain and I need your help!

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http://mikegianotti.blogspot.com/ The G

When you do get out, make sure to only go to places that do not have chicken fingers on the menu. PROMISE ME!
frau

We rarely do date nights and I think it's important even if it's just coffee having one on on time is important.
http://ijonc.blogspot.com/ magda

a-fucking-men. today is my day to say fuck as much as possible. they are all pent up inside and must be released into the universe before my iplosion. i apologize to any offendees. especially in the event you are one of them, mami. must look into doing the same. date? restaurant? dinner sitting down? conversation? huh?
http://cassie-mylifewithkids.blogspot.com Cassie

It is difficult to get out just the two of us and I have several sisters who are happy to serve as free babysitting. WE also find that it is difficult to avoid talking about the chldren while out. However I do enjoy actually sitting down and eating my meal while hot, not having to cut up someone's food, finishing a meal without fighting and whining and not having to clean up the mess afterward.
denisetogetherwesave

No date nights here…. our teenagers keep us to busy.
http://www.thetamom.com/ Theta Mom

Good for you for getting a date night and I need to check out that site!
macey

I think people DO forget that you have to nurture your marriage and have that one on one time.
http://afcsoac.blogspot.com/ lisleman

I'm sure you know it not where you go as much as the quality time spent together. A quiet place is great. We just had a date night at a fancy expensive restaurant. It was fun but it was also fun to grab some burritos (love Chipotles) and go to the park. I think the bigger problem is time not money. BTW – I don't put much trust in polls especially internet polls with very little control.
http://theconfusedhomemaker.com/ bethakaconfusedhomemaker

Excellent points, it is hard to sometimes make that time but the last line of your post is exactly why it is important. Also a strong marriage gives children a good example of what a relationship should be like. My husband & I don't always go out to eat, but we do make a practice of sitting down pretty much every night together. Once a week we also have a nice dinner & it is our “date night in”. We do get to go out, thanks to wonderful family as well, even if it is just a cup of coffee. I also think it's important to nourish that relationship daily like anything it's the little & big moments.
thegoodcook

Dining out sans children with TBHITW is one of my favorite things to do. The OTHER favorite thing is cooking together. There is just something so sexy about a man in the kitchen… oh – I think I just came up with tomorrow's post…
sassychica

Wow, your post got me thinking…the hubster and I have not been on a date night or dinner without kidsin such a long time…

Smooches,
Sassy Chica
carol

DO IT! Go to dinner at least once a month. For a couple of year my husband and I both worked downtown and would meet for lunch a couple of times a month. It was great.
Camp1974

For what it's worth, as she gets older bedtime becomes easier. The first year to two years is just plain tricky in that regard. XOXO
http://www.unknownmami.com/ unknownmami

Thank you! It's nice to know it gets better because sometimes I forget it's only a temporary situation.
http://www.unknownmami.com/ unknownmami

You've inspired me to start a “dating in”. Why not? Sometimes it's the only thing we can manage.
Meeko Fabulous

Or you could be my brother and sister-in-law . . . Every year they get dinner and a movie from them and a certificate for a free night of babysitting . . . And my nephew adores me too! And yet they still don't take me up on the offer. They just take the baby along. They need time to themselves to. and so do you! ¡Disfruta unas cuantas margaritas!
http://www.unknownmami.com/ unknownmami

Oh, I would take you up on that offer. Feel free to adopt me as your sister.
Meeko Fabulous

Did I mention how much I spoil the kid? Your daughter would love her Tio
Meeko!
greeneyedmomster

We never left our kids with anyone. We never really had family or friends we trusted enough to leave them with. We went out occasionally when the older ones were little. Hubby and I started dating again this year. Now the older ones are old enough to babysit! (Not that Youngest is a baby, I'm just saying….) We don't have a lot of extra money now so we don't dine out as often as I'd like. I think the last time we went out, our son paid the bill.

I quit my job on your anniversary. I will always remember your wedding anniversary.
Hugs!!
adrienzgirl

Date night is important! You need to remedy that quick fast and in a hurry!
http://thatgirlblogs.com thatgirlblogs

nice way to slip the sponsoring in there, very nonchalant — we've been going out a lot more, just for a drink and appetizers. It really does make life more fun…

thanks for coming by on my SITS day, te amo!
http://yoncaskitchen.blogspot.com/ yonca

We used to go out often until this year. Thanks for the link. Heading over there now:)
blueviolet

I think they're 80% off right now too! Date nights are really, really important!
http://www.reflectionsbyrebekah.blogspot.com/ Bekah

I am going to get on my mommy soapbox here and tell you something you undoubtably already know- get that little one used to going to sleep without you while she's still little! Otherwise, what happens when you win that weekend getaway for 2?? That being said, I never go out to dinner with the hubs, either.
http://landlock-mo.blogspot.com/ Rebecca

My husband and I go out every single Friday and Saturday night and most Sunday's for lunch. Sunday lunch is ALWAYS something really cheap…think dollar menu at Jack In The Box or Burger King………Friday is generally something semi-nice. Pasta House, TGI Friday's, O'Charlie's….and Saturday night is something like Steak N Shake, Qudoba….

HOWEVER……we do bring the kids. They are super good when we go out to eat so that's never an issue. I love exposing them to different places to eat and keeping them along. But, I guess I'm strange……
stevenanthony

I think you are so cool, more women should be like you and try and find excusses to spend time with the hubby;)
http://www.unknownmami.com/ unknownmami

You're pretty cool, too!
http://www.wrestlingretirement.blogspot.com/ Eva Gallant

My older sister had 7 kids. I was still in the hospital from the firth of my first child when she told me: When you've been home for a week, find someone you trust to leave the baby with, and you and your hubby go out, even if it's just for an hour to walk around the mall, And go out once a week every week so that you and the baby never become convinced that no one else can take care of him but you. It was good advice; a nite out without the kids was never a traumatic experience for either of us!
ThePeachTart

We try to do a night out a couple of times a month, even if it's something simple.
Cat8040

Nice- no spouse here but I definitely know how hard it is to get away for some grown-up time. I've been out with friends… maybe twice? Since Boy was born.
http://tattytiara.blogspot.com/ tattytiara

I have the opposite problem. My boyfriend and I live over an hour apart on opposite sides of a large city. Actually sharing a meal in one of our homes instead of meeting halfway at a restaurant's a real treat!
http://TwinspirationalRunner.blogspot.com Olga

great post! very true Mami! You have to make time for each other!!
http://glimpseintomidlife.blogspot.com Betty5

Speaking as one who´s kids are all grown up, you truly have a deep insight here. It was very hard getting used to “just” being a couple again and going out to eat….just the two of us, was weird at first.
So yes, you should go out more. Make the effort and enjoy the evening off! It´s worth it!
DysfunctionalMom

My children's dad and I are divorced, and they visit him every other weekend. My stepson visits his grandmother every other weekend. So, hubby and I have that whole 48 hours all to ourselves. And we thoroughly enjoy it!
http://www.stacysrandomthoughts.com Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)

We don't get 'date nights' here, either – we have no one in the area to babysit for us. We'll have a lot of catching up to do when we finally do move somewhere nearer friends and family, though.
Georgina99

Going out for dinner is something that I have always taken for granted (Hello? I'm married to a chef) but since my sister-in-law had twins and gets excited about just going out once a month, I've realized how lucky I am. We go out at least once a week, sometimes twice if we are tired, but then again, we don't drink or smoke, so I think it evens things out compared to what our vices could be. We joke that going out for dinner is part of my husband's professional development (I only wish his boss saw it that way and would pay for it! LOL) – G
38traci

I am guilty of the excuses, myself. Especially money but the truth is that I can spend time with my husband without spending money. It is so important to find time as husband and wife separate of kids. It has been said and I think that it is true that the best gift parents can give their children is maintaining a happy marriage. It provides stability and a wonderful role model for what marriage should look like. So not only are you taking care of yourselves, you're taking care of precious Unknown Baby. I have no doubts, however, that you will have plenty to speak of for years to come!
http://lemonologie.blogspot.com/ lemonologie

You are absolutely right in this post. It's really important to maintain a healthy relationship with you and your husband! We have a really difficult time scheduling time together with just the two of us!

Thank you for visiting me on my SITS day!
http://cutand-dry.blogspot.com Betty Manousos

That coulld become a great habit!
Moments of real pleasure!.
samijoe

Me too! What a fabulous idea!
http://cowpattysurprise.blogspot.com/ Nezzy

We've all been there, done that. Gettin' in the way of ourselves relaxation and fun. It's so important to spend that quality time with hubby!

Have a super day!
http://butterfly80.blogspot.com/ Crystal

Great post Mami! Our husband aren't really “dinner” people when we go out – but we do the things that we enjoy as a couple at least once or twice a month. We are lucky that his mom lives just a few miles away from us, and loves to offer her babysitting services. And you are right, we can't let the money thing get in the way. There are many things we can do for free – we just have to check out an events calendar for what's going on in our city, or even just go for a walk in the park. Thanks for the reminder of keeping things fresh with our hubbies – I know too many couples that ended up divorcing after the kids grew up and moved out because they didn't really know each other anymore and had grown apart.
http://bonbonrose9.blogspot.com/ Kristin

We went to dinner alone last night for our first time in weeks. I had forgotten what it was like to eat at the same time! Thanks for letting us know about that site!
Guest

I don't really think much about going out these days…I'm just trying to spend more time w. my hubby in other ways, esp as we can barely afford to eat period. There are many ways to have a date night in…I think it's very important to invest in our relationships.
http://honeypiehorse.blogspot.com/ honeypiehorse

So true. Sometimes it's just hard to switch gear and get out.
littlemsblogger

Restaurant.com is awesome and if you subscribe to Coupon Mom there is sometimes a code to reduce the price of the coupon by 80% — a $25 coupon costs $2. Hubby and I love to try new places out.
mayhemandmoxie

Such a fantastic post! Rarely do I enjoy sponsored posts, but you really did this well. Totally drew me in by talking about your own life.

Oh, and I am absolutely adoring your new blog design. Your new do is looking quite fab!
http://www.thezenofmotherhood.blogspot.com/ Mama Zen

I love the way you end this post!
http://www.thewannabewahm.com/ Sophia's Mom

Second post I've read today out this topic! We are really letting our kids take over!
Here's to us getting it together and having some alone time with our husbands!!!
http://www.unknownmami.com/ unknownmami

Thank you, I really appreciate the feedback.
Guest

I hear ya…i tell my daughters to always make time for their spouses and leave the grands with me since I'm strong enough to keep up with them. We should communicate soon..since we are both in the bay area!
http://www.unknownmami.com/ unknownmami

Absolutely!

I wish we had family close by.
http://www.smartandtrendymoms.com/ K Long

Nice post. Time together with your spouse is really important, but it's really easy to get caught up in other things and not make it a priority.
lifewithkaishon

I know that it is hard to leave them when they are young. But it really is good for them. I mean, they do have to eventually leave us for Kindergarten etc. I hope you can find a good deal and go out soon : ) Life is too short. Celebrate special things with your husband!
http://www.lifeofkaylen.blogspot.com/ kaylen

What if you don't go out to eat and instead save up all your conversations for when she's grown and gone?
It does make me sad for couples who raise children together and think they are happier than they could ever be and then the children grow up and off they go and then the parents are like strangers, having found that for the last 18 years, everything revolved around the day-to-day life of their child(ren). It seems wasteful….
You should def have date nights with your husband!! Almost every mexican restaurant in my town has those 2-for-1 meal coupons. Want me to send you one?
http://www.unknownmami.com/ unknownmami

My husband just won a free dinner with wine pairings at a local Italian restaurant. We're gonna go after the New Year. I'm pretty excited.
Rosie

I love going out to eat too. Thanks for the post. I'm going to check out the Restaurant.com website.