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I Forgot Who I Was

I woke up, flat on my back in a dimly lit room I didn’t recognize. Curled up against me, in a bed that was far too small for two grown people was a man I did not know, but for some reason I was not afraid of him; he seemed safe, familiar, and strange at the same time.

I woke him up and asked, “Where are we?”
“In the hospital”, he said.
“Why?”
“For Put Pie.”
“Put Pie? Is that a dog?”
“No….Where are you going?”, he said as I got up and made my way out of bed.
“I’m leaving.”

Then it all got foggy. I could hear him speaking, but couldn’t absorb what he was saying. I wanted to leave, but I didn’t know where I was going. Going? I didn’t even know who I was. I didn’t know my name. I was standing and trying to walk, but everything was so difficult. I moved and felt a tug on my left arm. I looked and I was being trailed by a pole on wheels with IV drips that were attached to my arm. What the hell was going on?

The man in the bed had turned on the overhead light and I could see that right in front of me was some kind of medical table with a clear tub on top. I looked at it and there was a baby inside of it. A baby! Why is there a baby here, I thought. Then I got dizzy and felt my legs go wobbly, I sat back down on the bed next to the familiar stranger and started sobbing.

As I cried, slowly the memories started coming back to me. I remembered the pregnancy. I remembered the difficulties, painful hips, swollen feet, sleepless nights. I remembered the anticipation, the fear, the joy. I remembered the induced labor that seemed interminable, the delivery, the pushing which ended up being the easiest part, the baby, my baby… and I kept crying. What was happening to me?! How could I forget?

I reached for a button and pressed it. A voice responded over a speaker and I said, “I need help. Please help me.” Almost immediately, a nurse with a kind face came in and even before she asked I said, ” I forgot where I was, I forgot who I was, I forgot I had a baby. How could I forget I had a baby? I thought my baby was a dog. How could I think my baby was a dog?”

“It’s the magnesium”, she said.

The magnesium?…the magnesium. Then I remembered. I was given magnesium after giving birth because I had developed preeclampsia. The magnesium was to prevent seizures. I remembered the parade of nurses that had come by and marveled at how well I was doing considering the magnesium. It had never occurred to me to ask what they meant. I was too busy getting used to having a baby outside of my body.

It wasn’t me, I wasn’t crazy; it was the magnesium.

I reached for the baby in front of me and brought her to my heart; I looked at the man on the bed, my husband, my wonderful supportive husband; and said, “I’m okay. I’m going to be okay.”

And I was and I am.

Hyundai and Glamour Magazine, along with JuiceBoxJungle, are sponsoring me to write about a poignant parenting moment with hopes that a big A-List Hollywood star will direct it on the big screen, like this short filmhttp://glamalert.com/reelmoments/ ! Kate Hudson did with Glamour Reel Moments. You can enter too at

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  • stevenanthony

    that is truly powerful stuff!

  • Annonandon

    I really enjoyed your writing….I'm glad everything worked out good for you!

  • http://www.reflectionsbyrebekah.blogspot.com/ Bekah

    How remarkable we women are!

  • macey

    Oh my gosh, that would be scary! So weird, they didn't explain it to you. Or maybe they did but you forgot.
    I know all kinds of weird stuff went on when I had my first baby and it took me FOREVER to sort it all out. :/

  • 38traci

    Oh, magnesium! Awful, awful stuff. I was on a drip for 12 days to try to avoid early delivery. It hurt. It made me sick. It made me emotional Jell-O. But it made my baby boy stay inside so I love it. It kept you from seizing — Thank God. But it is awful, awful stuff!

    P.S. You should absolutely have a movie made of your stories. I would be all over that!!!!!

  • http://landlock-mo.blogspot.com/ Rebecca

    That was pretty good. I loved it! Might have to enter a few times…..My writing isn't as good but the subject matter……that's where the stories are.

  • http://landlock-mo.blogspot.com/ Rebecca

    There is an extra space in your link between the slash and the r…./ reel

  • http://www.unknownmami.com/ unknownmami

    Thank you!

  • yelena628

    What a story! And you writing is so beautiful!

  • Lemonademakinmama

    Just wanted to thank you for visiting me on my SITS day and leaving some blog love!

    Blessings,
    LMM

  • dwmatty

    I had no idea that magnesium could do that to you. I went to your link and watched Cutlass. That was so neat, that I found myself hoping it was just a portion of an actual full length movie.

  • http://tattytiara.blogspot.com/ tattytiara

    Woah. Intense. Glad there was a happy ending!

  • http://www.canewife.blogspot.com/ Jennifer @ And Baby Makes 6

    How beautiful and eloquent. Thank you for sharing.

  • TechnoBabe

    Does it make you wonder if that is how people who choose to use illegal drugs feel when they “come to”? It would be a scary thing I think to wake up and be confused to that extent. Your husband sounds like a strong and loving man. Wonderful that things turned out well for all three of you. What a great family.

  • leethehotflashqueen

    That was a wonderful story. You have a gift with words.

  • http://www.mamaarcher.com/ MamaArcher/Kristine

    What a sad story. I too have been on magnesium for pre-eclampsia but thankfully never experienced that side effect. What a joy and blessing that you and your little one are healthy.

  • http://gibby.typepad.com/suburban_bliss/ Gibby

    This is AMAZING. Such a powerful post. So glad everything turned out fine.

  • http://buttsandashes.blogspot.com/ marlaahansen

    Mami ~ That was really powerful and beautifully written. I watched the Hudson video. Really good stuff.

  • immyyas

    Uggghhh the Magnesium, I had to have that with my first baby. For days I was in a daze. I remember people being there but I don't remember really talking to anyone who visited. I remember nurses coming in to help me nurse my baby… I'd fall asleep & wake up to a nurse holding my boob feeding my baby. When I finally came out of it all I wanted was my baby & all I did was cry…. that feeling was amazing!

  • http://tattytiara.blogspot.com/ tattytiara

    And to answer your question I don't think anybody's ever gotten through enough layers of our long underwear and snow pants to conclusively determine whether or not Canadians fart.

  • Heidi

    I'm speechless and heart-wrenched.

    PS: loved last Sunday's pix.

  • Liz Burgess

    OMG MAMI!!!

    I am so excited for you! Kudos to you hermana! This is such awesome news! I watched the video and loved it! Please keep us posted at every level.

  • greeneyedmomster

    You are so awesome! I have an award for you!

    Hugs and love,
    T

  • http://www.unknownmami.com/ unknownmami

    I'm just entering the contest. If I win, I'll let you know.

  • Pink Haired Momma

    Wow! Great story. Full of emotion. I did not know mag had those side effects. I too was on it but never experienced that. Scary. You performed great under the influence though!! I wouldve been screaming and tugging that pole out the door with me!

  • http://skooksplayground.blogspot.com/ Skooks

    I was immediately entranced in your story. WOW. Did that really happen?

  • http://www.unknownmami.com/ unknownmami

    It sure did.

  • alyssanewton

    So glad I read this post…sort of sorry it wasn't sooner. Magnesium? Like the supplement sold in health food stores? Beside the potassium? I didn't take any today. Hmm…wonder if I can pawn some off on my mother in law…

    Pregnancy problems, though, are truly a bitch.
    And I agree…commenters do say the very funniest things!

  • Lindsay @ Just My Blog

    What a scary feeling, but what a great story. And you truly chose a great voice to tell it.

  • alexisakamom

    OMGosh my dear this story tugged at my heart, what a story. One that is good to share because I'm sure it's happened to others who may think they were wrong.

    Hope you're having a great week!

  • Georgina99

    Wow, this was beautiful. I hope that someone does notice your story! Good luck! – G

  • http://www.pumpkindelight.blogspot.com/ Kimberly

    Whoa! That was intense.
    Good luck with the Glamour Reel

  • http://www.thefiftyfactor.com/ Joanna Jenkins

    Whoa! What an amazing story Mami. And what great writing. This would make a stunning short film. I'm cheering you on.
    xo

  • http://findingtrinity-michele.blogspot.com/ Michele

    I can't even put into words how I felt reading that post.
    Powerful indeed!

    And you are one remarkable woman.
    I'm so sorry you had to experience something so terrifying as forgeting who you were.

    Thank you for sharing. That was incredible.

  • AngelCel

    That's a great piece of writing. What we women go through for our wee babies! Good luck in the comp. :)

  • http://mrsblogalot.com mrsblogalot

    What a beautifully written story!!!!

  • http://lindyloumac.blogspot.com/ LindyLouMac

    Quite a parenting moment that was.

  • http://www.insightsandbellylaughs.com/ Robin

    I never knew that is what magnesium did to a person…that would be very frightening…somtimes iIsee a strange man in bed next to me but then I remember where he came from..LOL..But the dog thing would really send me over the edge…I think Ive had dreams similar to this..about having a puppy or dog, I think even an alien once… instead of a baby..anyway..you wrote this so beautifully…Put Pie will love reading it one day…I love that lil nick name..!

  • helenmcg

    Hon, that was amazing.

  • http://www.wrestlingretirement.blogspot.com/ Eva Gallant

    Wow! That was a powerful post! At first I thought you were describing a dream!

    Thanks for stopping by and helping with the after SITS cleanup!

  • Meeko Fabulous

    That was freakin' awesome! At first I thought you had bumped your head or something! Then I thought you might have woken up after a night of heavy drinking . . . LoL! I had no clue about preeclampsia and magnesium to prevent seizures.

  • brainella

    Wow. Strong woman.

  • auntof14

    W.O.W. I was truly scared for you for a few minutes there. I didn't know magnesium was that powerful!

  • http://badmommymoments.com/ ck

    That was gripping. You are a lovely writer, Unknown Mami. And something tells me you won't remain “Unknown” for much longer…

  • http://cutand-dry.blogspot.com Betty Manousos

    I'm lad that everything worked out good for you.
    I loved this post.
    B xx

  • http://www.discoveringflowers.blogspot.com/ Emily

    I've never, ever heard a story like that before. Oh my, I had no idea that could even happen! And I'm so sorry you went through such a frightening ordeal. I'm just glad there were people there to support you and that everything was okay so quickly. You had me on the edge of my seat!

  • Camp1974

    Thank you for your amazing story. You have a gift, my dear.

  • http://www.absenceofalternatives.com The Absence of Alternatives

    Intriguing. Moving. Powerful. Thought-provoking. Frightening. Joyful. Hopeful. I don't know how you accomplish all this in such a short post. Bravo!

  • lifewithkaishon

    I felt as if I were right there.

  • suzicate

    Wow, that is an incredible story. The way you wrote is was quite touching(scary, sad, happy all at once), and the way you ended it is beautiful.

  • http://www.wizardofotin.blogspot.com/ otin

    That was beautiful! I was wondering if it was a fiction piece for a little while. You definitely am okay! :)

  • briantmiller

    dang. that was one of the best pieces of writing i have read in a while…got my heart going.

  • Cat8040

    That sounds so scary… but I'm glad it all turned out OK.

  • http://www.6feetover.wordpress.com/ ~Melody @ 6 Feet Over~

    I can SO relate to this post! Different story, but same 'forgetfulness' … my daughter was born 9 weeks early and her birth was a bit traumatic. I had her with no drugs whatsoever and I STILL couldn't grasp what was going on. I didn't understand who the almost lifeless baby was that was being worked on next to me…and the next few hours, I kept feeling my tummy wondering where the baby was. It's crazy how much women go through and how strong we can be!

    So glad to hear you had a good ending. I did, too. :)

    ~melody~

  • http://www.unknownmami.com/ unknownmami

    You made my day! Thank you!!!

  • http://iheartmychaoticlife.blogspot.com/ Cole

    Wow! Such a powerfully written post! So glad you had a happy ending!

  • http://glimpseintomidlife.blogspot.com Betty5

    Never knew this about magnesium! Your story was scary, but also poignant! I hope you win!

  • DysfunctionalMom

    That sounds absolutely terrifying! I'm glad everything was ok. You wrote that so well.

  • http://afcsoac.blogspot.com/ lisleman

    that condition is new to me but wow what an interesting true story – also great that it turned out good.
    all the best

  • Erin

    I always thought good things about magnesium – because it is in chocolate :) I never knew it could have those effects. Glad you are well!

  • http://pocketfulofbliss.blogspot.com/ Multiple Persoanlities

    Oh Mami, you're a warrior goddess for surviving all that. I can only imagine how tough that was for you and your family. I'm so glad everything turned out ok for all of you in the end. Thanks for sharing something so personal and inspirational.

    P.S. I left a little something for you on my blog. :-)

  • Liz Burgess

    Sorry Mami, I got very excited and was projecting your winning! Of course you are just now being entered. I wish you the best! I loved your story. Times like that really make us realize how precious are the moments that come after. Thank you for sharing such a private time in your life.

  • http://www.conditionallysatisfactory.wordpress.com/ Oscar

    Wow that must have been a scary feeling!

    Glad you got past it!

    Interesting post!

  • http://goldennib.blogspot.com/ Nessa

    Amazing what chemistry does. Fascinating story.

    RnPB Chapter 012

  • http://www.thewannabewahm.com/ Sophia's Mom

    You are definitely going to be chosen! You have an amazing writing style that always draws me in!

  • http://www.sixfeetunderblog.com/ Tess

    What a terrific writer you are! I hope you win!

  • http://www.unknownmami.com/ unknownmami

    You are so kind to me, thank you.

  • Katie L

    That would have been tough. There are SO many emotions with birth, but to feel like you forgot…wow. That had to be difficult. Glad everything worked out and is ok. Great writing!

  • WhisperingWriter

    Really poignant entry.

  • Twincerly,Olga

    wow! you scared me for a minute there!!!!

  • http://singlemamanyc.com/ Single Mama NYC

    Ah, the things we went through to be the mothers of these wondrous gifts, huh? September 8th was a truly glorious day, regardless. Love you, Gemela.

  • http://agytalks.blogspot.com/ Agy Talks

    Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest! Read your post It was really touching and interesting to read.

    http://agytalks.blogspot.com

  • Tiffany

    That had to be so scary!!!! Glad it all worked out ok. Damn that magnesium!!

  • http://www.zen-mama.com/ Betsy, Zen-mama.com

    Wow! What a powerful blog! I read someone's blog (mommyfriend.com) about her birth plan gone awry…we must all take what comes and move forward. I'm also impressed with 73 comments (and maybe a little jealous! :D ) Thanks for coming to visit my blog!! By the way…what kind of acting do you do? My brother-in-law is an actor in LA…it sure is a tough business!!

  • http://www.thezenofmotherhood.blogspot.com/ Mama Zen

    How frightening!

  • http://www.unknownmami.com/ unknownmami

    At the moment I am doing no kind of acting. I am having some health issues and taking a break.

    Normally, I do theatre, voice-over work, commercials, industrials (training videos), basically just about anything that isn't porn.

    Visit me at: Unknown Mami.

  • Stephanie

    Hello! Found you through SITSGirls! I had pre-enclampsia with my first child. Thankfully I was already 36 weeks. I remember waking up 24 hours after giving birth (and being on magnesium) and having no idea where I was or what just happened!

  • naomidelatorre

    I am so sorry to hear what a crazy experience you had in the hospital after Put Pie was born. I have several close friends that have experienced preeclampsia and wow, that is some horrible stuff. My friend Breanna said the magnesium literally made her insane and unable to eat, but she wasn't going to be able to go home until she could eat. WTH? Finally, her mom who is a nurse, was able to get her released into her care and she was able to recover, but it was awful. Glad you are okay now, but sorry you had to go through that.

  • http://honestandtruly.blogspot.com/ Michelle from Honest & Truly!

    Oh that would be really freaky and especially hard to deal with after having just given birth. I hated hormones. I'd never heard of magnesium being given nor the side effects associated. Yikes! So glad you recovered so quickly – and fingers crossed it works here!

  • http://mypickletalksautism.com Corrie Howe

    Wow! What a scary moment. I'm sure this would last with me the rest of my life.

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