Fragmented Fridays (Family on the Brain)

by UnknownMami on July 29, 2010

Family. I have family on the brain.

My husband’s aunt came to visit and we met her for the first time. When I say “we”, I am including my husband. He had never met this aunt before. The story is long and not mine to tell and it was started by my husband’s grandfather (whom my husband has never met).

What I would like to share is that there is something beautiful, courageous, and authentic about a woman reaching out to siblings and extended family and risking rejection because of poor choices her father made. There is also healing and growth in embracing each other and accepting each other as family once and for all.

Family. Sometimes we are born into it and sometimes someone steps in and becomes family.

There is a man that I am biologically related to. He is technically my “father”, he is also a stranger to me. Oh sure, I’ve talked to him, I know what he looks like, but I do not “know” him, I can not claim him as mine. Then there is another man that came into my life when I was already 18 years old and slowly worked his way into my life and heart. I’ve never lived with this other man, I got to know him through my mother because she lives with him. This other man filled a space I never even knew was vacant. He loves me the way I imagine a father loves his daughter. He introduces me as his daughter. He comes through for me EVERY SINGLE TIME I need him to.

Family. My family.

My family used to mean my mother, my brother, and me. Now “my” family means my daughter, my husband, and me. Of course I have family that extends beyond those I hold nearest and dearest, but I will protect “my” family even if it means protecting them from family.

Family. I’m happy I let some “family” go. I’m happy with the family I’ve made. I’m loved by those that have accepted me as family. Family means more to me now than it ever has.

Mommy's Idea
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  • brainella
    I believe family is what we make of it. You can choose to accept them with all their flaws and craziness and be happy or we can nitpick and be miserable. I grew up in the poorest county in the state of NY with very little but my family made me very rich. I always knew I was loved; every single one of that insanely demented and hilariously wonderful group of people would drop everything and show up on my doorstep if I needed them. I had to learn to ignore the crazy to get to the beautiful. I'm all the better for it.
  • Family is who it is to us. As the old saying goes, we don't get to pick our family so there are good eggs and bad eggs - we've got plenty of both in my family.
  • Cnceltica
    Ok so I am a huge feminist but I will say this right now that no girl can ever go forward in life without a strong male figure. And it doesn't have to be a daddy, it can be an uncle, grandpa, brother, dude next door. Men are not as useless as we often label them. My Dad can be an idiot and a womanizer and an annoying pig....but he would drop everything for me. He was in the room when all 3 of my kids were born, his politics are the polar opposite of my own but I listen to his opinion before I choose the other side. And after saying that I feel just as strongly for my step-mom who doesn't share an ounce of blood with me.
  • What a beautiful post. You are so right. I have been building bridges with member of my large Irish family all over the world through Facebook and it has been a wonderful experience - even if you only get to exchange a few words during the week, it is worth it......
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