Anything Your Vagina Can Do, Mine Can Do Better

Warning: If you don’t want to read about my vagina or what it can do, DO NOT READ THIS POST!!!

If the title didn’t scare you away: Welcome! For those of you who have been here awhile you are probably aware that I do a weekly feature called, “I Comment Therefore I Am”, I was going to save a recent exchange that started in the comments section of a blog for that feature, but my vagina wouldn’t let me.

Here’s the backstory: Nancy from Away We Go wrote a post called Taco Tales (and she wasn’t talking about the ones you buy at Taco Bell). In it she mentioned that she plays this game with a friend where they brag about what their “respective snatches” can do. Well, I’m very competitive and I wanted in on this game so I left the following comment:

Puh-leaze, my vagina can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan.

My vagina was once cast as Richard the III. Sure people were confused, but I’m sure Shakespeare was proud.

Nancy responded:

My vagina, thankfully, has never been compared to Falstaff.

My vagina once split the atom. Just sayin.

I responded:

I wouldn’t brag about your vagina splitting the atom. My vagina is committed to bringing about world peace. It’s a uniter, not a divider.

Nancy responded:

Um….clean fuel? Mine is all about decreasing the dependency on foreign oil.

I responded:

Well then you should use yours to suck up BP’s oil spill. I’m just sayin’, talk is cheap.

Nancy responded:

Why the vagina tactic has not been employed already remains a mystery. Mine would clean up that shit in a second.

I responded:

You know I’m going to have to blog this, right? It might be next week’s installment of I Comment Therefore I Am.

Nancy responded:

My vagina already wrote it and got 200 comments.

I responded:

Your vagina is such an over achiever! You must be so proud. Pardon me while I go give my vagina a pep talk.

That’s where I called it quits. It is obvious that Nancy has the bigger vagina.

And that’s enough vagina silliness for one post. Unless you would like to add some in the comments section.

Having a hard time leaving a comment? Email me.

Anonymous

This makes me so very happy. My vagina is waving its pom-poms and doing a herky jump for you.
http://www.waystationone.com brian

wow. i need to read the warning labels better…smiles.
http://www.unknownmami.com/ unknownmami

Man your vagina is on it! You read the post even before I sent you an email about it.
http://otvnonsense.com Tiffontheverge

mine’s organic. does the husband’s body good.
Jeanie

I’m surprised nobody mentioned pushing out a baby with a head the size of a melon, but I guess we can all do that.
Anonymous

Wow! My vagina is feeling really insecure. She and I have had a conversation and we agree that she really needs to focus and become more goal oriented. She thinks that a blog might be helpful. What do you think? Should my vagina have its own blog?

P.S. Is there anyone who doesn;t want to read about your vagina> Just sayin’.
Sami

Ha ha, the Vagina Dialogues!!
Coby

Eeeek! I’m laughing hysterically while I’m blushing! #1, I never use the “v-word.” I just say “stuff.” I guess I don’t have a #2. You just made a black woman blush!
http://pumpkindelight.blogspot.com Kimberly

No, no, I think you guys are doing good.
Fun-ny!
http://www.lifestiniestmiracle.blogspot.com MyLittleMiracles

O.M.G.!!! LMAO You and Nancy crack me up!
And because I am laughing so hard right now I can’t come up with a dang thing my vagina does….it’s lazy! haha
Anonymous

Holy Vagisil!!!
Anonymous

OMG.
That’s all I got.
LOL!!
Anonymous

I am dying over here! This is hilarious!
http://mrsblogalot.com mrsblogalot

HAAAAAAA!!! I couldn’t possibly add anything funnier than that post right there!!!

My….don’t do it…don’t do it…

My HAT goes off to both of you! (that killed me by the way)
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Dwmatty

If this isn’t entertaining, I don’t know what is. Wow.
michelle

You ladies are cracking me up. I’m about to pee on myself and I can’t even blame it on my vagina. Three kids by c section cause that little b**ch couldn’t relax herself.

I still love her, though.
The Only Girl

Love this! Society needs more Hero Vaginas.
Ttownsend

Hilarious!! So glad I wasn’t scared away…but of course, MY vagina doesn’t get scared!
Rebecca

You guys are too much. Thanks for sharing.
Rebecca

You guys are too much. Thanks for sharing.
Anonymous

My vagina has taken a momentary vow of silence, so she can’t answer your challenge right now. Leave a message at the beep.
steven anthony

um…oh….speechless;)

Steven Anthony
Man Dish~Metro Style
http://afcsoac.blogspot.com/ lisleman

not having one (and glad for it) it’s hard to get my head around this subject. Just wondering though, do any of your other body parts get jealous?
Cinner

There is never a dull moment over here. hysterical
http://thefirstbookoftesticles.blogspot.com/ Charlie Callahan

“Well then you should use yours to suck up BP’s oil spill.”

BEST line of the bunch!
http://www.carmasez.com carma

my vagina is so big it has it’s own fanpage
Monkey Man

Oh yeah!!?! Well, my vagina….wait a minute. I don’t have a vagina. Never mind. But if I did I would be too busy playing with it to clean up oil spills, act in Shakespearian plays or otherwise change the world. It would probably be the newness of the whole experience. No pun intended.
Crystal

oh haha, now that is hilarious!!!
Anonymous

This was a HILARIOUS post! I seriously am laughing so hard right now!
blueviolet

Does Nancy want to be known as having the bigger vagina?
http://www.unknownmami.com/ unknownmami

Better her than me.
http://bullinachinashopmama.blogspot.com/ Tina

My vagina is laughing hysterically. She is also feeling a bit competitive now and thinking of all kinds of naughty words to summon up a vagina throw down.
Best,
Tina
Jenny

OMGosh……YOU are hilarious! And as I read through all these comments, all of you guys are cracking me up with all this vagina talk! (I’m sure all of your vaginas can beat up my vagina, so I’m not even going to go there~!) :)

Funniest post I’ve read in awhile! Thanks for the giggle!
http://honestandtruly.blogspot.com/ Michelle from Honest & Truly!

Mine is quietly whimpering in the corner in shame. It’s a little jealous, I think.
http://www.absenceofalternatives.com subWOW

My vagina got a splitting headache from laughing out loud and making burping sound from too much air rushing in. She is now having performance anxiety ever since she read about this. She managed to finish reading all 10,376 posts on the Google reader and leave intelligent, perceptive, thought-provoking (and heart-warming if the situation called for it) comments on all. She also tweeted about this and immediately got more followers than @aplusk!
http://www.ttelroc.blogspot.com Kristin_The_Goat

Ha! Now that’s a keeper Too funny.
Dawn (Bee and Rose)

My vagina has the giggles after reading this post…oh…and it’s totally jealous of your vagina…
Anonymous

You certainly met your match in Nancy. She is scary. Hey, I am just happy that mine keeps peace in one home. Ha.
http://www.stirfryawesomeness.com/ Tracie

I have no words for your awesomenss. (Or Nancy’s)
http://reallyimamom.blogspot.com imperfect momma

Dude. I need to give my vagina a pep talk! She ain’t pulling the weight around here like she should! LOL. Thanks for the laugh
http://afcsoac.blogspot.com/ lisleman

This is good but please don’t take it too far.
I would NOT want you to start something like “Sundays in my Vagina”.
http://lettrefamily.blogspot.com/ dina@4lettrewords

You gals are crazy. Love it!
http://cowpattysurprise.blogspot.com Nezzy

OMGosh, I’ll have to say this is one subject I’ve not run up against today. Heeehehehehe….you guys crack me up….dyin’ here! I think mine might be blushin’ a bit!

God bless ya and have a terrific day!!!
http://ladyfi.wordpress.com Lady Fi

OH my, my vagina is doing the wave and laughing its … er… head off!
http://honeypiehorse.blogspot.com honeypiehorse

Great post but y’know, the title really said it all. There should be a title award!
http://twitter.com/subWOW I’m not Rosie!

I tweeted and Facebooked this post. I thought I’d left a brilliant comment but I can’t find it any more. I need to go have a talk with my vagina for messing things up thus…
http://www.unknownmami.com/ unknownmami

You did leave a brilliant comment and for some reason Disqus is not showing it, but WP knows you left it. Maybe Disqus is jealous of your vagina.
Twinkiesrun

OMG!!! hahahah! your just killing me Mami!!
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http://www.wornragged.blogspot.com Lorraine

I WAS having a hard time leaving a comment. Thankfully, my vagina can type.
http://www.unknownmami.com/ unknownmami

Thank goodness for a vagina with secretarial skills!

Visit me at: http://www.unknownmami.com.
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