Now that I’ve outed my pregnancy, you will most likely be subjected to endless updates. If there was a pregnancy font, I would use it so that you could skip over those parts if you are not interested, but there isn’t so humor a pregnant lady.
I went to see my gynecologist for the first time this pregnancy. My first prenatal visit was with an RN. I love my doctor and she was so excited and welcoming. I have insurance through Kaiser and I know that many people have complaints about them, but they really took care of me during my first, very difficult pregnancy and I am grateful (This is not a plug for Kaiser, this is just my opinion).
I suffered from severe panic attacks during my first pregnancy and with the help of my doctor, counselor, and psychiatrist I made it through. I was put on medication during pregnancy. Can you imagine what a difficult decision that was, especially for someone that suffers from panic disorder? It was probably the most difficult decision I have ever made in my life. The guilt was excruciating and there were many that made me feel judged for opting to take medication.
I am still on medication. Today I checked in with my pregnancy counselor and discussed my feelings about being medicated. Why am I telling you this? Because I still feel shame associated with being on medication especially while pregnant, but I need to let go of that shame. My counselor suggested that I should be proud of myself for seeking help and taking care of my mental health. Brain chemistry is a complicated thing. I feel blessed that I live in an era where I was able to find the help and understanding that I needed. I really thought I was losing my mind. What I found out is that this happens to many pregnant women (the hormones can really get to you). So I hope no one suffers in silence. I hope no one is stigmatized. If you need help, get it. The help is out there.
Unknown Papi, the inventor is at it again. Awhile back he invented the word, “vaginormous”. Today he coined, “fudiculous”. It’s more like he is an ordained minister for words. He likes to bring two separate words and unite them into one. Hence vagina + enormous = vaginormous and f@cking + ridiculous = fudiculous.
Speaking of Unknown Papi, he really made my day. We’ve been rather broke, like flat broke. Today, he asked me what I wanted to do and I said, “whatever”. He told me he had a little money and he wanted to take me shopping for some maternity clothes. It was so fudiculously sweet! I felt so loved and spoiled.
And that’s all she wrote!
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