clearing of throat…
I’m blushing, but you can’t tell from my writing or maybe you can.
I want to write about cheating. It’s on my mind because of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver. After 25 years of marriage they announced that they are separating. Then we find out that as a result of an affair that Schwarzenegger had, he fathered a child. Scandalous!
What do I care about Arnold and Maria? I don’t personally know them, but instinctualy I find myself on Team Maria. Can you imagine? It has got to suck to find this out and have to deal with the emotional turmoil and add to that, the public scrutiny. And they have kids and now those kids have a half-brother that is 10! Scandalous!
I’ve never really been a fan of Schwarzenegger. After the recall election hoopla when Schwarzenegger became Governor of California, I joked that I wanted to get a t-shirt made that said, “California had a recall and all I got was this stupid Governor” with a picture of Arnold on it.
But this post isn’t really about Arnold or Maria. It’s about cheating. Their situation made me think about cheating.
Have you ever been cheated on? I have.
Have you ever cheated on someone? I have.
Being cheated on sucked. It was awful and made me feel terrible, small, inconsequential, ridiculed, angry, lost, distraught, and so on.
I was cheated on before I ever cheated on someone, therefore I knew how awful it would make the person being cheated on feel and yet I did it anyway. Why? Why would I do something like that to someone I supposedly love? You can’t see me, but I am hanging my head in shame.
And if I have been guilty of cheating on someone, why is it so easy for me to judge another cheater? Because I am just as judgmental and critical of myself. My behavior was deplorable and I know it.
Having been on both sides of the cheating fence I can say without a doubt that for me being cheated on felt far worse than being the cheater because I had no say in the matter.
Some people say that affairs and infidelity are no big deal or that in other countries people have extracurricular activities and it is just accepted. Here’s the thing, I have been in relationships where things were not exclusive and that was fine because it was understood that things were not exclusive. But if you marry someone or commit to being with just one person, then infidelity is a big deal because that is not part of the agreement.
If I am being perfectly honest, the people I cheated on were people that I was willing to lose. I have never cheated on someone I wasn’t willing to lose. That’s why being cheated on felt so much worse because I knew the person that was cheating on me was willing to lose me.
If you found this post because you are going through some difficult times involving cheating or being cheated on, please make sure to read the comments below. Readers have been kind enough to share their own experiences and insights, you may find them helpful.