A Mother’s Train of Thought (Fragmented Fridays)

by Claudya Martinez on January 11, 2013

There was this look and tone and way of holding her body that my mother used to get at times. Like it was all too much. Like there was just too much going on. I’m not sure what I used to think when I would see her like that, but I’d know that my brother and I were dangerously close to pushing her over the edge.

Now I understand what it’s like. I get why she looked like that and sometimes my kids make me look like that too. Some days go smoothly, some days ebb and flow, and other days make me feel like I’m getting torn apart.

Walking home from preschool with one crying and the other one repeating over and over…

I want park! I want park! I want park! I want park!

I don’t say it, but I think…I want a drink, but you don’t hear me saying it over and over!

I want park! I want park! I want park! I want park!

I don’t say it, but I think…I want you to BE QUIET!

I want park! I want park! I want park! I want park!

I don’t say it, but I think…For f@$! sake, how many times are you going to say it?

I want park! I want park! I want park! I want park!

I don’t say it, but I think…There is no point in arguing with you because I already said no and maybe you’ll just wear yourself out and let it go eventually.

I want park! I want park! I want park! I want park!

Finally, I say…If you don’t stop, when we get home, you’re going to get a time out!

NOOOOOOO!!!!! I DON’T WANT A TIME OUT!!!I want park! I want park! I want park! I want park!

When we get home there is a time out and more screaming and then quiet and then….

Mama? Mama…Mama! I’m sorry. I’m ready to be sorry.

Later the littlest one starts screaming and clinging and claiming to be starving, but unwilling to eat anything and I feel myself turn into my mother. I feel like it is all too much. Like there is too much going on. Like I am being torn apart.

Fortunately, that is not every day. Fortunately, I know I’m fortunate.

And now your Friday Fortune Cookie
(don’t forget to add “in bed” at the end, if you are so inclined):

Sometimes it’s best not to say exactly what you are thinking.


Mommy's Idea
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Tagged as: Friday Fortune Cookie, motherhood

  • http://www.keethastuff.blogspot.com/ Keetha

    Parenting is absolutely the hardest job on the planet.

  • http://llcooljoe01.blogspot.co.uk/ LL Cool Joe

    And it doesn’t get any easier. :D

  • Jeanie

    Your girls will probably learn to recognize the look and tone and way you hold your body that lets them know it is time to back off a little. There are reasons that some people call the preschool years the”first adolescence”…..they can be very tough on parents at times.

  • http://landlock-mo.blogspot.com/ Rebecca

    That’s the great thing about parenting.  They eventually move on to another thing…..sometimes it’s more tolerable.  

  • http://twitter.com/Sourire11 Jeanne

    Great post.  I”ve been there so, SO many times…

  • http://afcsoac.blogspot.com/ lisleman

    Good thing you didn’t start repeating “I need a drink” over and over while walking down the street.  You would have ended up on youtube.

    • http://www.unknownmami.com/ unknownmami

      Dang, I missed a golden opportunity to go viral!

  • http://www.prettypurplexing.com/ Tami

    I want wine, I want wine, I want wine, I want wine…. dang it, I thought for sure you’d cave in…  LOL

  • Eva Gallant

    Hang in there, girl.  It gets easier, in about 15 years!

  • http://livingoffscript.com/ Bee

    I love the honesty of this post. I don’t know what it’s like to have kids, but I know it must be difficult at times.

  • Nancygraycejinks

    And my mother suffered through 6 of us!  I think you were very patient because I may have lost it at some point during I want park!  :)

  • Profwaynewsmith

    Testing patience of their parents are in kids contracts dont you know.

  • http://honduras-gumbo.com/ Laurie Matherne

    Good post, Unknown Mami! I think it will get easier, as I see it with friends who have preschoolers. Then adolescence hits! 

  • Myya Says…

    Ohhhh how I know EXACTLY how you are feeling!  Isn’t it a REALLY good thing that the good days allow you to get through those other days without really losing it. 

    I do have to say though that I am impressed with the ”I do not say it” part… yeah, I am not so great at that sometimes… most of the time.  Sigh. 

  • CiCi W

    I think there should be at least four parents on hand at all times. 

    • http://www.unknownmami.com/ unknownmami

      I don’t know what is going on with my eldest lately, but she is intent on pushing my buttons. She’s at it again today. Hoping it’s a stage that will pass quickly.

  • tettelestai

    Oh, I understand these days!! I read this last night on my ipad but I couldn’t leave a comment for some reason :-(

  • http://howtobecomeacatladywithoutthecats.blogspot.com Boom Boom Larew

    This post makes me ask myself, once again, “Why do I work with pre-schoolers?”  You’d think I would have learned my lesson long ago… but, then, I’m a glutton for punishment.  Which is why I enjoy my wine in the evenings!  (But truth be told… the little rascals crack me up!  That’s the real reason I keep doing it!)

  • Heather Smith

    Isn’t it wonderful that they know their own minds as young as they do… sometimes ;-)

  • VM Sehy Photography

    Now you know why I stopped at one child.  I’m impressed that you handle it so well.  I’d probably pull my hair out. 

    • http://www.unknownmami.com/ unknownmami

      Oh, I have my ugly moments. I don’t usually feel like writing about those.

  • doreenmcgettigan

    You are such a good Mama. Great post! Great fortune too..

  • deborahpucci

    Thanks for your honesty, I can so relate to your thoughts!

  • http://www.halfpastkissintime.com Mrs4444

    Every mom has had those days. Hopefully, for your sake, they are few and far between. :)

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