cruisin’

My husband takes care of our daughter one day a week while I go work outside of the home. It’s a win-win situation for me: I get to interact with adults alone one day a week and my husband has empathy for me the rest of the week.

Usually when Unknown Papi watches Put Pie, they drop me off at work and then come meet me for lunch. It’s a nice routine, but I can tell that Unknown Papi could use some different stimulation. When I take care of Put Pie if I get lonely and want to talk to an adult, I just go to the park and cruise for Mamis. I know tons of pick up lines, such as:

“We have that sweatshirt, too!”

“How do you like your (insert brand name stroller here)?”

“OMG! She/he is so cute! How old is she/he?”

You get the idea. Sometimes if I’m feeling particularly shy, I just dress my daughter up in something really cute and wait for other Mommies to approach us. It’s like catching flies with honey. It’s not as easy for Unknown Papi. Since the majority of care-givers at the playground are women, it can come off like Unknown Papi is just cruisin’ for women as opposed to cruisin’ for parents.

Yesterday, Unknown Papi, went to the DMV parking lot with his skateboard to get some exercise and there was a Daddy watching his child ride a bike. The child, who seemed to be around the same age as Put Pie, started watching Unknown Papi skate. Unknown Papi said, “How old is he?” The father answered, “She is 29 months old.”

Do you see what happened there? Classic rookie mistake. When in doubt of gender you have to look for clues or work around it. The child was riding a pink bike and wearing a pink helmet. Unknown Papi noticed, but didn’t want to stereotype and still thought the child looked like a boy. That’s when you do the work around. You smile, nod in the child’s direction, while asking the parent, “How old?”

When Unknown Papi came home and told me about the encounter, we laughed at his rookie mistake. Then he looks at me sheepishly and says, “I guess we have a man-date tomorrow.” What?! “Yeah, he’s supposed to call me at 9:00. I’m pretty sure he will” Well, look at that! Seems like Unknown Papi doesn’t need my advice on how to pick up Daddies, he does just fine on his own. I couldn’t be prouder.

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I’ve never been one to make friends quickly. I’m not one of those people who strikes up conversations with strangers. If anything, I avoid any such contact. I’ve always been fine spending time alone and I don’t mind being social, but I prefer to be a bit of a hermit.

Until…Mamihood.

Being a mom can be quite isolating. Yeah, sure it’s rewarding and I wouldn’t trade it for the world, but it’s exhausting and you don’t get much feedback on what a good job you’re doing. Friends and family members without kids don’t really get it and friends and family with grown kids don’t quite remember. ( I think as with all trying situations you block out the difficult moments and idealize the good.)

So, what’s a Mami to do? You go cruisin’ for Mamis/Mommies.. Just about any Mami with a child around the same age as yours will do. People you never would have imagined being friends with before being a parent all of a sudden seem quite desirable because you know you won’t have to explain yourself to them. You’ll make a baby related joke and they’ll get it. If you run out of wipes or diapers they’ve got your back. If you need advice, they’ll give it to you. Best of all they’ll let you just vent.

Actually, it’s pretty awesome. If I’m feeling starved for adult company all I have to do is get Put Pie all dolled up and take her for a walk to a nearby park or playground. Inevitably, you will pass another parent with a stroller and you’ll smile. If you are both into it, you start talking by focusing on the kids.

I think someone should come up with a list of pick up lines for Mommies or Daddies.

Here are a few basic ones:

How old is the little one? (If you are not sure of gender, always err on the side of caution.)

What’s the baby’s name? (Again, with this one remember that many children have gender non-specific names so don’t assume Dylan is a boy or Kimberly is a girl.)

How do you like your (insert name of baby carrier here-i.e. BabyBjorn, Ergo, Moby)?
Follow ups to this include asking about inserts, weight limits, back pain.

I’m trying to come up with some more original ones. I welcome any input.

A word of caution to those of you who may find yourself cruisin’ for Mommies: don’t settle for just any old Mommy. Remember that if you set up play dates, the dates are just as much for you as they are for the kids. You don’t want to get stuck with a Mommy that drains you. Your time is limited. So if you find you are not compatible, just keep on cruisin’.

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