After receiving horrible news on Monday, this has become the longest week of my life.
This coming Monday I will be going back for another sonogram to see if my baby has developed any kidneys.
I will be seeing the same specialist that I saw last Monday. Apparently, he is a big deal and very experienced and well-regarded.
Hopefully, I’ll go in and the baby will be surrounded in an abundance of amniotic fluid and kidneys will be clearly visible.
When I went in for the initial sonogram and the specialist was called in, he spent quite a bit of time with me and let me know that he is very concerned, but that he could not give me a definitive answer at that time.
I want to be hopeful, but I’m so scared.
My mother has been visiting. She was supposed to leave the Tuesday after I had my sonogram. I came home and asked her to stay. She changed her flight and is staying another two weeks. We don’t always have the easiest of relationships, but even before I asked her I knew she would stay. She’s held me, let me cry, and cried with me.
I try not to cry in front of Put Pie, but she has caught me a couple of times and she comes running toward me and showers me with kisses while saying, “No Mama, no.”
The outpouring of support that I have received in real life, on this blog, on Facebook, and on Twitter has been humbling and unbelievably heartwarming. You may not think that your kind words can mean much during such a difficult time, but let me tell you that they have been a lifeline to me.
Sometimes in real life people have a hard time dealing with grief or emotional pain, they feel awkward and uncomfortable when in the presence of someone suffering. Perhaps it is easier to express ourselves virtually. This blog has provided me with a space where I do not have to pretend to be okay. Thank you.
I have been posting, but I have not been visiting. I’m sorry. I will visit as soon as I work through this. Somehow I know you understand.
After living with this for a few days, I’ve come to the realization that I will get through it no matter what the outcome. There is no other option. I will find strength.
I was driving home alone after a doctor’s appointment and the radio played a song just for me. I’ve heard this song so many times before, but I never really listened. This time I listened and I found comfort…
Let it Be ( The Beatles)
When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.
Let it be, let it be, …..
And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, …..
Thank you for reading. I am grateful.
