hope

A Little Bit of Hope

by UnknownMami on June 8, 2011

Once upon a time there was a little girl that wasn’t much more than a little bit of hope. She lived inside of me and when I went to see how she was growing, I held my husband’s hand and smiled. The smile didn’t last long.

I was told she might not make it, that I had a difficult decision to make. There were no smiles left in that room. There weren’t many smiles throughout the pregnancy.

I couldn’t let go of her. I just couldn’t. I held on to her and I loved every single second of her.

For not letting go of her, for not giving up on my little bit of hope, for following my intuition…I will always be proud of myself.

For her, I stood my ground and because of her, I will never EVER forget that…

…sometimes a little bit of hope is all you need and that some stories have a very happy ending.

Backstory: Originally, I was told that Luna Pie had no kidneys and would not survive long after birth. Then I was told that maybe she had one kidney. She does indeed have one kidney, that is all she needs to live a healthy life, and she is healthy and thriving. She is in the care of a kidney specialist that is very optimistic about her prognosis. She will get checked yearly until grade school and if all goes well we will need to take no further action. That’s what I’m choosing to focus on.

{ 64 comments }

Good News and Blah Blah Blah

by UnknownMami on October 19, 2010

I went to the doctor yesterday to get yet another ultrasound. Quick recap for those of you that don’t know about my pregnancy saga: during my first ultrasound my amniotic fluid was dangerously low and there was a worry that the baby might not have any kidneys. Since then the news has gotten progressively better.

I am tired of focusing on the negative, so I am going to highlight the positve and gloss over the not so positive. Yesterday my amniotic fuid was within the “normal” range; the low side of normal, but normal none the less. This feels like a huge improvement.

The not so positive is that one of the baby’s kidneys is in the pelvic area and may or may not be obstructed which blah, blah, blah may cause problems. Blah, blah, blah, won’t know until the baby is born. Blah, blah, blah, may need to be operated on after birth.

Here’s the thing, I am doing my best to focus on the certainties. It is certain that my amniotic fluid has increased from dangerously low to within a “normal” range, it is certain that my baby is doing well now, it is certain that I can not predict the future so I need to focus on the present.

Again, thank you all for your kind support, love, and kindness. I know I’ve felt it and I’m certain the little girl inside of me has too.

{ 81 comments }

Encouraging News…

by UnknownMami on September 20, 2010

I went in for the follow-up ultrasound today to check up on my amniotic fluid level and to see if any kidneys could be detected on the baby.

Right before I left the house, I grabbed my journal and wrote, “I think the news will be good.”

The news was good, not great, but good.

Although my amniotic fluid is still alarmingly low, it is definitely better than last week, which goes against the diagnosis of the baby not having any kidneys.

The technician and specialist looked and looked and they could not find any evidence of a right kidney, but there did seem to be evidence of a kidney on the left side. A person cannot live without kidneys, but they can live with just one kidney. They were also able to detect a bladder, which they could not do last time.

The specialist is still cautious because having low amniotic in the second trimester is not good and can be a sign of other problems. He is wary of making promises, but he said things were better, not worse.

This is so much better than the news I got last week.

I will be getting the results of the amniocentesis in a few days. Hopefully, there will be no major problems.

I know we are not out of the woods yet and Unknown Papi is afraid to be hopeful, but this has given me permission to hope. Up until now I was preparing for the worst and now I feel like it is okay to hope for something better.

I feel like I can breath for the first time in days.

Thank you all for your support, kind words, thoughts, and prayers. Please keep them coming. I am convinced that they help and we need the help.

{ 112 comments }

Hope

by UnknownMami on May 26, 2009

Choosing to bring a child into this world was a terrifying prospect for me. When I found out that child would be female, I started crying. Why? Because I know how hard it is to be a female and a minority. If my child was born male, he would still be a minority, but he would grow up with the privileges that come with being male and that would be one less thing for a mother to worry about.

Yes, I believe in equality. Yes, I believe we are headed there. No, I do not think we are there.

I am blessed to have been born in this country and I am grateful for all the opportunities it has afforded me and for all the rights and privileges I can take for granted. But, I am painfully aware that we do not all receive “equal justice.” I don’t think equality will ever be achieved until we are all “equally” represented.

I was exposed to the melting-pot theory in elementary school, but it never felt right. The salad bowl theory is much more to my liking. I think instead of trying to become a homogeneous society, we should embrace our differences, celebrate them even.

Diversity is a good thing. How could it be anything but good? How can it hurt? I live in a very culturally diverse city that is only 7×7 miles and it’s wonderful because people of different cultures, ages, and socioeconomic backgrounds have to co-mingle and we’re better for it.

Well, my daughter was born into this imperfect world and I’m not feeling so scared anymore. Some wonderful things have happened that make me feel so incredibly hopeful for the future, for her future: a female candidate was a viable option for the presidency; the first African-American President was elected; and today Sonia Sotomayor is the first Latina to be nominated to the Supreme Court. In the words of Bob Dylan, “the times they are a changing.”

I’m thrilled I had a daughter because my husband and I truly believe that females are awesome. If you want to change the world, empower women!

My friend Maureen reminded me of the quote, “If you educate a man, you educate an individual. If you educate a woman, you educate a nation.”

{ 3 comments }